Fall and Rise of the House of Salim - VII
A covel nomedy, a camel dromedary, or some such.
7 . The Land of Milk and Money
Finally, he stood up again and walked back to his grandmother's house, which he had last visited before fleeing the city. He found there the box of money and jewels that he had hidden because he had written this on the back cover of his copy of the Koran. He realized the money had greatly decayed in value, but that the jewels were much more valuable than before, and this more than evened out. He walked back to the small city of his birth, by his old house, and found that it was up for sale. He briefly thought of buying it but decided that a house in-town without wives to keep it, was far too much trouble.
So, he went wandering until he found a dilapidated farm for sale, though no one was around. Realizing that the wrong thing to do is the right thing to do, he simply took the sign down and moved in. He bought cattle and set up a dairy. Every day a gang of radical Hindu youths pounded on the doors, growling that they would beat to death anyone who touched even the milk of the cow, since it came from the udders, and therefore was as sacred as the meat. But they then grew to quarreling over whether the milk was enough - should not be a be sacred as well, since the cause had to consider something? And if a is sacred, then grains from they would be sacred, and since the hay needed bees to pollinated, should not be used also the sacred? Until finally they were left with nothing to eat since all would be consumed or excreted by a cow, and therefore must also be sacred. Three were going to the Himalayas to eat salt, which had never been consumed in their lifetime by anything.
This life suited Salim better than any since he pissed for a living, since running a dairy is basically getting cows to piss milk. He had a bad memory, but since he had to do the same things day in and day out, it was not so bad. The fences were in such bad repair, that bulls got in and mated with the cows, so he did not have to do anything but feed the cows, milk the cows, and sell the milk. He spent the first money to buy a book on dairy farming, from Islam worse and he read this every single day.
After his time in America, Salim returned home to his hometown, now a small city of 7 millions. He bought the house he was born in and paid to clean it up. He then decided to find out the fates of his four wives.
He found out that his first wife had gone back into being a Madame and was found after having been run over by a truck, four times. According to the news story, she had been stealing from customers when they were having sex.
God is good. God is great. But don't mess with him while he is getting it on.
He found out that his second wife had gone to America and gotten married to a woman. The woman then had a sex change operation to be a man. The two of them had been deported for two parking tickets and fought the government to have their marriage recognized. They were living in poverty in the same city. Salim sent them some money, and a week later they were found dead having been robbed and raped by a man who was taken away shouting that he was going to cure all the lesbians in Longwindia the same way. The man was acquitted at his trial and ran for parliament.
God is good. God is great. But not everyone seems to appreciate his gay children.
His third wife had gone into acting in pornography and had contracted AIDS after doing a movie where she had anal sex with 15 men. She was now in a hospital near Mumblebuy.
God is good. God is great. But perhaps he is not so fond of gang bang videos.
His fourth wife he found working in a small shop. She immediately recognized him and flattered him. He was so enamored of her sweet words that he took her back in, along with their two children.
God is good. God is great. Especially to gold diggers.
Almost immediately, the fourth wife – who had graduated from Gormenghast University on the Gauges, at Ghaziabad, where for men, name was everything, and for women, the more unpronounceable the better - had decided that she would run the money. She had gotten a degree in macrömicrömesöeconomics and thought she could do better than Salim.
First, she set herself on a strict program of New-Old Classical Economics, which assured her that lending money to the government was not wealth, and therefore could not be destroyed, since it had never been created. So, she bought Gilts from the government, and speculated on the side with kilts, though their provenance was somewhat secure as to whether they were actually made in Scotland.
Within a year, it seemed Salim was rich - until the worst happened, and the market for breaking the BokChoy had collapsed - apparently, it did not occur to the New-Old Classicals that it could not be possible for Nash equilibrium to coexist with an infinite number that is required for government bonds to not be well. The panic bled out until the then-president bailed all of the rich people out, and let the poor people paid off the loans – at the pre-contraction price.
God is good. God is great. God does not play games with the free market, especially when it is not particularly free or a market.
The lesson was that if the rich needed to deal things out, the best way is to get the people to do so.
With this nirvana, Salim decided to run for Prime Minister.
It was a hard-fought campaign, and they waited for the returns to be doctored. Meanwhile, Salim writes doggerel with. Is almost as bad as the Bible.